


Where is Your Little Son Lost,  John?

by mizzkatie101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Caring John Winchester, Good Parent John Winchester, Other, Protective John Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 05:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12500072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzkatie101/pseuds/mizzkatie101
Summary: I decided to do a lyric scenario type of fanfiction about Supernatural. It is the song Grief from Terrance Zdunich's musical, The Devil's Carnival, sung by Sean Patrick Flanery.





	Where is Your Little Son Lost,  John?

"Where is your little son lost, John?"

John couldn't find them. Those two damn kids were always running off. He needed them to be more careful. Dean should have known not to run off like this. He was the oldest. John knew he had taught him well. This shouldn't be happening. He should know where his two sons were at all times. But he didn't. Not this time. John worried about them, but he couldn't let them know this. They needed to be strong, and never afraid of anything. They needed to not show their fear, especially in the eyes of all the bad people they were going to end up facing in the future. So John couldn't let them know he was afraid of losing them. That' why he was always so hard on his boys. Sure, they might not know or understand his methods now, but they were learn why he was the way he was. They needed to in order to survive. He couldn't lose them like he lost her, Mary. There was no way he was going to lose his two boys the way he lost her.

 

"And where will your little son sleep, John?"

John got to the fourth hotel they were staying at in the last month. They had been moving from state to state, hotel to hotel, trying to stay ahead of the man that took Mary away from them. He needed to stay ahead of this, creature, because he was going to come back, John knew. He didn't know when, or where, or even how, but he knew the man was going to come back and take one of his boys from him. Little Sammy had been a baby the last time the man was there. John had barely gotten him and Dean out of the burning house before the explosion of heat and fire took his wife from him. But they were safe tonight. They were with Bobby Singer, another man John could trust. So the place was safe, for now. He needed to keep it that way. He needed to have his sons in a safe place, and try to get them to grow up without breaking them from their humanity too much. But the Singer's home was a good place for his children to sleep. For a while, they could sleep.

 

"To who will your little son pray, John?"

John knew his sons believed that everything was out there. He knew they believed in vampires, which weren't that big of a deal, witches, werewolves, rugarus, just about anything, John knew they believed in. But when it came to Heaven and Hell, the angels and demons, he wasn't sure. He had never forced religion on his sons because he knew that so much lore and pagan gods were real, and difficult to get rid of. So did they believe there was a Heaven they would end up going to? He thought Sammy believed in the angels, but he wasn't sure about Dean. Would he think he would go to Heaven for all the people he saved, or did he believe he was condemned to Hell for all eternity? John wasn't sure, because they didn't talk about that type of thing. He just made sure they knew that decapitating a vampire was the only way to kill it. And salt and burning the bones to get rid of a ghost. But did they think demons would attack them? Did they believe that angels would protect them? John wasn't sure. He didn't take the time to worry about this, because they would end up dying some day, just like he himself would. And it didn't really matter where they ended up. They would all end up dying in the end.

 

"You're drowning in the grief of Jupiter's water. Let me open my teeth and cradle you there. There's a bed for the boy, and a rope for the father. Both orphaned by Heaven where no child is spared."

John had spent most of his life searching for the man who killed his wife, and almost took his youngest son. He didn't stop to think about the consequences it would have on his boys. Or at least he tried not to think about that. He was just so wrapped up in confusion, pain, rage, that he didn't think about anything else. He didn't think about how he was putting both of his sons in harm's way. He didn't think how he was creating tiny soldiers that grew into strong killing machines. He didn't take the time to play catch with Dean, and tell Sam that there weren't any monsters under his bed, that they were just in his mind. He never should have given him that gun... But that's what happens when something consumes somebody. They're stuck in that pain, addicted to finding the cure to something that wasn't going to exist. He wasn't a good father. He tried, but this war he fought, and forced his boys to fight in, was never going to be won. Because something else would just come and make their lives that much harder. They were taken from a normal life, because of John. He ruined their chances of having a normal life. Sammy should have stayed at Stanford. Dean should have had a home, not just a car. They shouldn't have been pushed into a life of pain and, well, hopelessness.

 

"Swing from my limp, and render your tears. The more that you shed, the deeper he nears. His two little hands push the chair from your feet. Drown in your beautiful grief."

John knew his time was up. He knew, after the car crash and Azazel getting away, there was nowhere to go. He knew that and accepted it. His fight in this was was over. He needed to take care of his kids, protect them from this world, even if it meant that he wouldn't be in it to help them. John knew, deep down, this wasn't his fight. This wasn't just their family's fight. It was everybody's fight. And it was time to let others help in the crusade of keeping the world safe. He was done, tired. He needed to rest. So making the deal to save Dean's life was the obvious choice. The Colt was important, but in the end, Dean's life was more important. So he could be free from this life on the road, trying to fight for the revenge of the death of his wife. He could finally drown in the grief, let it consume him completely, and let the world claim him as another forgotten soul. After all, he raised his sons right. Maybe it wasn't the right way, but John knew they were strong, capable men who would end up saving the world.


End file.
